A Running List of Edits I Keep Giving
I keep finding myself giving the same handful of edits on stories from students, so I’ve decided to start collecting them here so that I don’t have to repeat myself. I’ll start with the proper use of quotes.
1. Use simple words.
Use words, not too many, mostly simple. Avoid jargon, doublespeak and pretense. Strip from your story any examples of “journalese,” those warmed-over cliches like “pre-dawn hours” and “marathon legislative session” that can only be found in captivity. If you wouldn’t say it out loud, don’t write it. Keep most sentences medium length, using shorter and longer sentences here and there for variety. Keep your typical beat story around 600 words.
2. Add numbers sparingly.
Use numbers to back up your claims, but avoid inundating the reader with strings of numerals. Pick the most relevant statistic and explain it to your reader. Don’t give them a lengthy paragraph of data and expect them to understand what it means. In Associated Press style, use words for numbers zero through nine, and numerals for 10 and above. Round up numbers or use everyday language to summarize them when possible. Use decimal points only when dealing with large numbers, like billions of dollars. Always use numerals for age.
roughly two-thirds of voters in the survey
the nine jurors filed into the room
the 14 stolen cars
roughly 400,000 Americans
the $3.2 billion proposal
a 37-year-old woman
3. Use capital letters as little as possible.
Use capital letters as little as possible. Only use acronyms that are widely recognized. If you must use an acronym, use the full name on first reference and the acronym shortly afterward. Never put an acronym in parentheses —e.g. “the Internal Revenue Service (IRS)” — as this is super annoying. Instead, just use the acronym not long after using the full name. Avoid long formal names for buildings, institutions and other inanimate objects unless central to the story. If you must use an acronym, use it sparingly, alternating with generic terms like “the agency” or “the company,” and avoid any other acronyms.
4. Use quotes for opinions, emotions and color.
You should quote people when they can say something better than you can. As the writer, your job is to provide facts and information — the meat and potato of the story. The people you quote are there to spice up the dish with a point of view, an emotional reaction or some colorful language, all of the things that you can’t provide as a neutral observer. If a car is bright yellow, just write that the car was bright yellow. Use the quote to explain why.
“I thought that if my car was a really bright color, people would stare at it, and that might help me get over my shyness,” she said.
5. Introduce the person who is speaking first.
When your reader sees quotation marks, they should know who is speaking. The easiest way to accomplish this is by introducing the person who is speaking and summarizing broadly what they said, then putting the quote immediately afterward. For expert sources, always give a job title or brief description of why you are quoting them — e.g. “who wrote a book on the reintroduction of wolves into Yellowstone”—and for everyday people, such as the customers of a shop featured in the story, give their full name, age, and city of residence as well as job or other relevant detail.
Alison Auerbach, senior administrator for the Earth Conservation Corps, said that the neighborhood has changed a lot since the environmental nonprofit moved there in the 1990s.
“The area along the Anacostia obviously was not well kept up,” she said.
6. Just write “he said” and “she said.”
Everyone learned what quotation marks are in first grade. When your readers see them, they understand that a quote is coming up, and most of the time they read right past the attribution. Avoid calling attention to it with fancy verbs like “he exclaimed” or “she commented,” adverbs like “loudly.” Just a simple “he said” and “she said.” The only exception that I ever make to this is when a public figure says something sarcastic or jokingly that might be misread when written out.
“If the majority leader is going to start requiring senators only tell the truth, then consider this my resignation,” he joked.
7. Use “he said” and “she said” to add emphasis.
A short quote will typically end with “he said” or “she said.” But for a longer quote, you may find it useful to put the attribution in the middle. This can be a great way to add emphasize the final part of the quote by adding a beat.
“If Covid were gone, I would like to go to an IMAX theater and a couple of restaurants,” he said. “The mall would be the place to be.”
8. Keep quotes short.
People don’t speak in paragraphs. They tend to talk in a stream-of-consciousness, flitting from subject to subject in a short span of time. If you include a long chunk of a quote, that’s going to overwhelm your story and detract from the point you were trying to make. Find the best, most pointed part of the quote and trim it to just that part. Avoid quoting the same person several times in a row, unless the piece is a profile or interview with someone notable. You are the writer; it is your job to tell the story. Do not just string together a bunch of quotes and call it a day.
“People wonder why no elders lead anymore, well it’s because people stopped listening and paying attention. They feel dissed,” Benton said. “Now it’s just a bunch of people who wanna slap drums.”
9. Just use first and last names.
On first reference, introduce a person by their first and last names. Never quote someone who will only give their first name. On second reference, use just a source’s last name. Don’t use courtesy titles such as Mr. and Ms. For children under the age of 16, use first names on second reference.
Rick Allison, owner of King Street Oyster Bar, said that business picked up in recent months as more customers turned to delivery.
After school, Hunter would often ride his bike to the Oakdale Mall and hang out in the food court.
10. Condense job titles into three or four words.
Summarize people’s jobs or other positions by describing what they do. Avoid formal job titles. Don’t capitalize job titles unless they are formal and directly precede the name.
University of Iowa law professor Todd Pettys
Streetcar 82 Brewing Co. co-founder Jon Cetrano
Surgeon General Jerome Adams
11. Use age-appropriate terms.
A child under the age of 12 is a girl or a boy. From age 13 to the early 20s, they are young women or young men. From the early 20s on, they are women and men. Some young women will refer to themselves as “girls,” which is acceptable only in a direct quote. When gender is used as an adjective, the terms are “male” and “female”; when used as a noun, “men” and “women.” Age is always a numeral.
Police said a 12-year-old boy and his 7-year-old female cousin jumped into his parents’ Range Rover and embarked on a more than 100-mile drive across state lines.
12. Use race only when directly relevant.
You should strive for the sources of your stories to be as diverse as the country you live in. Make a few extra phone calls to track down experts who are women or people of color and look to include a wide range of voices when doing person-on-the-street interviews. It will make your story stronger, as different life experiences can give people insights that other sources may not have. That said, only mention the race of a source when it is directly relevant. If you interview a Black architect about the new design of city hall, it is not relevant. If the interview is about how red-lining in your area led to segregation, then it is relevant. In all mentions of race, consider it more of an adjective than a noun. That is, it is a characteristic, but not the defining one. Job titles or even places of residence — things that people chose—are more central and should be the noun. Be specific. When possible, write “a member of the Cherokee tribe” rather than “Native American,” “Chinese-American” rather than “Asian-American,” “Puerto Rican” rather than “Hispanic.” Always double-check the Associated Press Stylebook, as the accepted terms can change. For example, “Black” and “White” are now capitalized.
a member of the Nisqually Indian Tribe
he noted that Black officers made up only 21% of the police department
whose parents immigrated from Malaysia
“A writer is one to whom writing comes harder than to anybody else.” — Thomas Mann
